After spending half a life age in the mountains, among skiers, there is one thing obvious. Skiers tend to get laid more than your average adrenalin junkies.
No-one with a university degree have picked this up as their area of research. yet. So there is a slight lack of studies to prove or disprove this thesis. That’s where we come into the picture.
Hold on, hold on, hold on you might be thinking. “Aren’t surfers getting laid to left and right on the reg?” The answer to that is simple. No, not to the extent of skiers. Here are the obvious competitors/colleagues and why they’re not getting laid as much as skiers.
SurfersYours truly have done a season on the North Shore (home of surfing) and witnessed first hand that is not the reality. As a mega-kook it’s easy to slip in under the radar and see whats really going on. I can tell you whats going on.
Surfers are surfing. Period. And when they’re not surfing there tuning their gear or talking surfing. Unless we’re talking about Australian surfers. They are surfing and when they’re not surfing they are doing push-ups or brawling with other males.
Surfers Getting laid factor: 4
SkatersNothing in this world is harder than skateboarding. To become a great skater you have to skip meals, sleep, dumps and hygiene. As you easily can imagine. Spending time buying someone drinks or talking about someone’s new shampoo or car tuning is a big no-no if you really want to skate. And when they’re not skating that’s because they’re healing their swollen balls (or ginas) after years of brute force against their poor crotches.
Skaters Getting laid factor: 2
SlednecksToo drunk - can’t perform. If not drunk their tuning gear. Besides their fingers are too cold from sledneckinging all day so no person in their right mind would let someone with ice cubes as fingers touch them “down there.”
Slednecks Getting laid factor: 3
Kick bikersThey have yet to fully develop their genitals.
Kick Bikers Getting laid factor: -2
The big mystery is why skiers (and snowboarders) are the most randy.
I’ve met skiers with stories that would make Gene Simmons cry. I’ve heard of people that would make the gimp in Pulp Fiction seem like your everyday paper pusher in Office Space.
So how come amusement from riding down snow-covered mountains makes you a perverted sex fiend?
Is it the motion?
Unlike many other action sports, skiing is a monotone grinding left and right. Imagine a demo team making it down the slope. It’s rytmic! Hep, hep, hep, hep, hep, hep, hep aaand now I’m tired and want a coffee.
Is it the Apre?
Not many other sports have getting wasted by lunchtime written in its constitution. I hope I don’t need to explain that getting pounded leads to people getting laid.
Is it the pressure?
Too many people skiing is dangerous, and it should be considered dangerous. You’re sliding down on sheer ice in 60 km/h with 500 other semi-drunk dudes on rental gear some hungover 18 teen-year-old set up for you with one hand while tindering with the other.
Surviving yet another day in this gladiator game makes you sort out what really matters in life. Add a few Gluewins to that feeling and it’s obvious.
Is it supply and demand?
No other action sport is as diversified as skiing. Where there are sparks there will likely be a fire right?
ConclusionThe answer is a combination of all the above-mentioned formulations. Much like how life came to be on this planet. A series of circumstances created the prerequisites that came to constitute the sparks. And where there are sparks, there will most likely be a fire.
So. Congratulations to you who ended up liking winter sports. You are not just able to experience gorgeous mountains, deep powder and the experience of taking off your ski boots. You are likely getting laid. Already tonight!
Text: Dillon Doher
Photo: Anton Enerlöv